Once upon a time there were some boys. These boys took a noble trip to ready a camp for their group of companions. While away they left their forms of transportation parked all together, their windows down, and their doors unlocked. All but one boy that is but seeing as he was so close to his friends it would be a pity for him not to suffer the wrath that his friends would soon suffer. You see girls happened by these groups of cars. Seeing a wonderful opportunity they jumped on the chance to shower love on the fellows in the form of yarn and demeaning remarks.
And the girls lived anxiously ever after waiting for retaliation.
One of these lovely girls however was a monster. She had betrayed her fellow girls to this group of boys before and offered to assist the boys in a little payback. Feeling guilty however she poured her heart out to one of her fellow girls. The girl poured some undeserving forgiveness onto this monster of a girl. Now the guilt ridden monster is trying to gain trust back and feels awful.
The end.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
The Titanic...minus the romance
I had a strange dream this morning in between the snooze button parade of the day. You know what I'm talking about. ALARM ALARM ALARM snooze...nine minutes later ALARM ALARM ALARM! Tangent-Who makes a clock that has a nine minute snooze. No really. Cause all it really does is make me angry and gives me a reason to keep sleeping. I think I heard once it's healthier to sleep for an odd number of hours. I think that's crap. Give me an even ten minutes of sleep. It would be nice to press snooze a few times and end up sleeping until 7:30 verses 7:29. Grrrr.
ANYWAY back on track
I hit the snooze and sunk back into sleep. I have been blessed with that ability. In this short 9 minutes I had a dream. I was on the Titanic...well more like off of the Titanic. I was in the water with the people in the boats. The boat was slowly going down into the water crammed with people all with sad faces at the death that was to come. I'm swimming around...I think maybe looking for a boat maybe not. This one lady that had been in a boat was now back in the water. "Come on (insert name, I knew it in the dream) get back in the boat. Come on I'll come with you." She protested, saying that she couldn't bear having a way to be saved when all of these other people where watching her, waiting for their death. In the mean time her boat mate was all cozy in her sleeping bag completely stretched out taking up the whole boat.
Other stuff happened but it's a little fuzzy. I ended up on this concrete island with my friend Lizzy somehow. I think she may have saved me. The whole island was a coffee shop that, by the look of the cup labels, was a cheep rip off of Starbucks. The guy running the place was sort of grumpy, like he was annoyed with having to be there. It was his birthday apparently because with the help of Lizzy he got sung to in Japanese later on in the dream. When we got there though he seemed friendly.
"You're safe here."
"Like not sinking safe?" I ask. He re assures me and gets Lizzy and I hot chocolate.
I remember feeling really comfortable, like safe at last. Sort of like how you feel after getting out of the cold water and into some warm clothes after all day swimming. Yet I knew that people where still drowning...but I didn't want to leave again. I was safe, I was comfortable.
I woke up although still very tired. It took longer for my mind to wake up than usual. As I was getting ready for my day it hit me that this dream had a meaning. I have been saved, I have nothing to fear anymore. Lately I am finally starting to realize how truly loved I am. I don't have to search for something to fill the void in my life. God filled it all. So I have somehow made it to this concrete island, this safe haven...but I can see that people are still drowning. Out in the world people are sinking everyday...and here I sit, not talking. Here I sit, watching movies, hiding out in my room, doing my own thing. Drinking hot chocolate. All the while in the back of my head "People are dieing". Am I willing to jump off my island, my comfort zone, to save them. Am I willing to push myself until my muscles ache, until I'm beyond tired to meet them where they are at? Am I willing to give my all to see as many of them as I can reach to save them? This season is a transition season. Something huge is coming, and I need to die to myself, jump out into the ocean with the rest of the peeps, and get to work.
*Not quite sure*
I had a thought, but not quite sure, about the lady that was floating by her boat from the begging of the dream...she was like some in the church. She didn't like that these people where going to drown but she wasn't really helping either. She looked kind-hearted and noble to want to suffer along side them by staying in the cold water that they were going to have to endure but she also looked like an idiot. Seriously, she wasn't helping anyone by just hanging out in the water next to her boat. She needed to get moving and make her friend in the boat, (who by the way is also like people in the church that just sit, taking up space. A little to comfortable, and taking up more than their share, making it impossible for others to join in this life saving device. ) and throw a few people in the boat. We all need to not just talk about saving people, feeling compassion for them. Lets put that compassion into action, if we don't then really we just all suffer.
ANYWAY back on track
I hit the snooze and sunk back into sleep. I have been blessed with that ability. In this short 9 minutes I had a dream. I was on the Titanic...well more like off of the Titanic. I was in the water with the people in the boats. The boat was slowly going down into the water crammed with people all with sad faces at the death that was to come. I'm swimming around...I think maybe looking for a boat maybe not. This one lady that had been in a boat was now back in the water. "Come on (insert name, I knew it in the dream) get back in the boat. Come on I'll come with you." She protested, saying that she couldn't bear having a way to be saved when all of these other people where watching her, waiting for their death. In the mean time her boat mate was all cozy in her sleeping bag completely stretched out taking up the whole boat.
Other stuff happened but it's a little fuzzy. I ended up on this concrete island with my friend Lizzy somehow. I think she may have saved me. The whole island was a coffee shop that, by the look of the cup labels, was a cheep rip off of Starbucks. The guy running the place was sort of grumpy, like he was annoyed with having to be there. It was his birthday apparently because with the help of Lizzy he got sung to in Japanese later on in the dream. When we got there though he seemed friendly.
"You're safe here."
"Like not sinking safe?" I ask. He re assures me and gets Lizzy and I hot chocolate.
I remember feeling really comfortable, like safe at last. Sort of like how you feel after getting out of the cold water and into some warm clothes after all day swimming. Yet I knew that people where still drowning...but I didn't want to leave again. I was safe, I was comfortable.
I woke up although still very tired. It took longer for my mind to wake up than usual. As I was getting ready for my day it hit me that this dream had a meaning. I have been saved, I have nothing to fear anymore. Lately I am finally starting to realize how truly loved I am. I don't have to search for something to fill the void in my life. God filled it all. So I have somehow made it to this concrete island, this safe haven...but I can see that people are still drowning. Out in the world people are sinking everyday...and here I sit, not talking. Here I sit, watching movies, hiding out in my room, doing my own thing. Drinking hot chocolate. All the while in the back of my head "People are dieing". Am I willing to jump off my island, my comfort zone, to save them. Am I willing to push myself until my muscles ache, until I'm beyond tired to meet them where they are at? Am I willing to give my all to see as many of them as I can reach to save them? This season is a transition season. Something huge is coming, and I need to die to myself, jump out into the ocean with the rest of the peeps, and get to work.
*Not quite sure*
I had a thought, but not quite sure, about the lady that was floating by her boat from the begging of the dream...she was like some in the church. She didn't like that these people where going to drown but she wasn't really helping either. She looked kind-hearted and noble to want to suffer along side them by staying in the cold water that they were going to have to endure but she also looked like an idiot. Seriously, she wasn't helping anyone by just hanging out in the water next to her boat. She needed to get moving and make her friend in the boat, (who by the way is also like people in the church that just sit, taking up space. A little to comfortable, and taking up more than their share, making it impossible for others to join in this life saving device. ) and throw a few people in the boat. We all need to not just talk about saving people, feeling compassion for them. Lets put that compassion into action, if we don't then really we just all suffer.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Setting myself up for disappointment.
I will get married someday. IN JESUS NAME. And that will be glorious. I like most girls already have some vague idea of what my wedding will look like (boys it's true...it's not just something on tv...girls really do think about their weddings. I know a girl that buys wedding magazines and everything). I'm excited for this day but...
I'm setting myself up for disappointment.
It's not what you think. It's not the "what if I don't get married someday" that passes through everyone's mind, not just girls. It's not that marriage won't be all that I hoped for...it will be better! It's that MARRIAGE IS NOT ALL THERE IS TO LIFE. I like to think about my wedding and such but that's not all there is in life. It's not like one day I'm going to get married and the world stops spinning and I live in this ageless bliss for the rest of my days. Life doesn't stop when the wedding bells do (honestly do wedding bells even exist anymore?). There is going to be a life after marriage. What is going to happen with that? What are my goals? Live in Africa maybe? That would be danky...that's a good thing for the record. How am I going to change the world as a wife someday...because my purpose in life is not to be Mrs. so-and-so. I'm not called to be a trophy wife. What does God want from my life? I need to stop focusing on this one blissful day that will someday come to be...because there will be many more after that. What will they be like?
I lack vision beyond this point and that's where the disappointment will be. It'll be like if Hook ever really killed Peter Pan. His whole life was centered around this one goal, this one dream, it was his motivation...what would his life had been like after he had finally accomplished it? Empty? My dreams need to go beyond this. Beyond living happily ever after. There is so much more to life than riding off into the sunset.
I'm setting myself up for disappointment.
It's not what you think. It's not the "what if I don't get married someday" that passes through everyone's mind, not just girls. It's not that marriage won't be all that I hoped for...it will be better! It's that MARRIAGE IS NOT ALL THERE IS TO LIFE. I like to think about my wedding and such but that's not all there is in life. It's not like one day I'm going to get married and the world stops spinning and I live in this ageless bliss for the rest of my days. Life doesn't stop when the wedding bells do (honestly do wedding bells even exist anymore?). There is going to be a life after marriage. What is going to happen with that? What are my goals? Live in Africa maybe? That would be danky...that's a good thing for the record. How am I going to change the world as a wife someday...because my purpose in life is not to be Mrs. so-and-so. I'm not called to be a trophy wife. What does God want from my life? I need to stop focusing on this one blissful day that will someday come to be...because there will be many more after that. What will they be like?
I lack vision beyond this point and that's where the disappointment will be. It'll be like if Hook ever really killed Peter Pan. His whole life was centered around this one goal, this one dream, it was his motivation...what would his life had been like after he had finally accomplished it? Empty? My dreams need to go beyond this. Beyond living happily ever after. There is so much more to life than riding off into the sunset.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Christianity, The anti-pity party
I’m driving home tonight at around 2am. I’m in the car alone now with “I’m not who I was” by Brandon Heath streaming through my speakers. The summer sky illuminated above me. Beautiful. Listening to the words of the song, I smile at my past. I swear that this song was written to his ex-girlfriend. “Thinking it’s a funny thing, figured out I can sing. I’m not who I was” The lyrics brought me back to the boy that told me I could sing, encouraged it in fact. The first boy to really like me back. My mind glinted back to some of our moments together…and then started to think about where he is now…just newly married. It’s weird really. Not sad….just weird. He was one of my closest friends, he was beautiful in many ways, he was fun, and now he’s just a memory and I’m ok with that. He’s happy and I’m here.
Then it hit me, where I was. Alone. Friends talking about who likes who and then there’s me and Jesus. Everyone has their hand holders and here I am…alone. And this new feeling hit me. It was a good feeling honestly. Just me and Jesus. I felt as deep blue as the sky ahead of me. Strong, bold…ok…free in a way. Yet in some ways sad. Everyone has someone else, even if it is just in a crush and here am I…no one likes me. I’m the comic relief, the side-kick, the shoulder to cry on, the best friend. My mind started to wonder backwards to all the times that I thought the boys I liked actually liked me back…until they asked about my friend, or suddenly they where walking around holding hands, or they started pouring out there feelings for my good friend…to me.
I turned one “Jefferson aero plane” by Relient K to fit the mood on the rest of my ride home. This broken hearted boy sings about getting through the heartbreak. I’m slowly slipping into a slight pity party, but not really. Still feeling strong and bold…just wondering if this best friend role will be the only role I play in my life…and telling myself, and God that if that’s what he has planed that I’m ok with that. I stay in my car to finish the song and the last few lines stick in my mind “…so everybody knows that I found myself able to fly away without magic feathers or Jefferson Aero planes. I got with me all that I need” Oh Relient K you have words for everything. I, like the boy in the song, got through heart break, and without the tricks of the world, or the self help. God walked me out of the darkness. I’ve got with me all that I need. That’s in the past as well as the future.
God smiles at me excited about what He has planed for me. He takes my hand under this dark sky, turns my gaze from my past. With Him I can run, without worries of falling, without worries to where we’re going or what’s going to happen. Just laugh out loud running under this blue summer night sky. “I figured out I can sing”
Then it hit me, where I was. Alone. Friends talking about who likes who and then there’s me and Jesus. Everyone has their hand holders and here I am…alone. And this new feeling hit me. It was a good feeling honestly. Just me and Jesus. I felt as deep blue as the sky ahead of me. Strong, bold…ok…free in a way. Yet in some ways sad. Everyone has someone else, even if it is just in a crush and here am I…no one likes me. I’m the comic relief, the side-kick, the shoulder to cry on, the best friend. My mind started to wonder backwards to all the times that I thought the boys I liked actually liked me back…until they asked about my friend, or suddenly they where walking around holding hands, or they started pouring out there feelings for my good friend…to me.
I turned one “Jefferson aero plane” by Relient K to fit the mood on the rest of my ride home. This broken hearted boy sings about getting through the heartbreak. I’m slowly slipping into a slight pity party, but not really. Still feeling strong and bold…just wondering if this best friend role will be the only role I play in my life…and telling myself, and God that if that’s what he has planed that I’m ok with that. I stay in my car to finish the song and the last few lines stick in my mind “…so everybody knows that I found myself able to fly away without magic feathers or Jefferson Aero planes. I got with me all that I need” Oh Relient K you have words for everything. I, like the boy in the song, got through heart break, and without the tricks of the world, or the self help. God walked me out of the darkness. I’ve got with me all that I need. That’s in the past as well as the future.
God smiles at me excited about what He has planed for me. He takes my hand under this dark sky, turns my gaze from my past. With Him I can run, without worries of falling, without worries to where we’re going or what’s going to happen. Just laugh out loud running under this blue summer night sky. “I figured out I can sing”
Saturday, August 9, 2008
"SHUT YOUR FACE!" (and endings of other stories)
I do need to learn to shut my face at times...and just because I'm loud. (Oh my loudness makes me sad. I really don't mean to...and I don't want to be THAT girl. Although sometimes, when I am aware of my loudness...It's way fun. A pass time really). No I'm meaning I need to keep my mouth shut. As I was saying to a friend tonight "Just because it's funny doesn't make it ok." It's true. Making people laugh is WAY fun. I like to have fun with people, make them comfortable and make me easy to talk to. But there is a line that should be drawn here. I don't want to be a Blue Like Jazz Christian. I want to be able to relate to people. I want them to know that I'm not some "holier than thou" person that frowns down on them when they let a cuss word slip or that I look down on them for smoking or whatever. So I joke around with people...and sometimes I cross a line. It's funny yes but then I look back and think that wasn't awesome....What if my pastor was standing right there would I still be having that conversation? What if Jesus was right there? Would I still be laughing about that dude's hair piece? Would I still be laughing at that disgusting comment that so and so just said?
My freshmen year of high school, well even in middle school actually I had a pretty dirty sense of humor. Worse than that I was sometimes the instigator of the bad jokes, twisting of innocent tales, dropper of the off color. I remember in my sophomore year realizing that being a Christian wasn't just getting saved but LIVING for Christ. I wanted to change...but how do I stop laughing at the inappropriate and disgusting? My friend turned to me with an answer "Just stop yourself and say 'that's not funny' and think about it because it's really not" and it's not...and I stopped laughing. But it's easy to slowly start to slip back into that...especially when you're not always around your 'christian' friends. Which I would like to point out picked up the "that's what she said" thing, I did too really...and now that I think about it...that's not funny either. But anyway. I just want to start rethinking my words. God says words are powerful. How am I using that power? I want to be wise with words not hurtful, or gross.
(other endings)
The end of the Prom story-
My friend won a free copy of the book for dressing up like Alice, one of the vampires. I saw her, and haven't seen her for years. She looked really pale and I'm thinking "that's unfortunate" because of her lack of play in the sun. Come to find out she powdered herself down along with some friends for the party. She looked awesome.
I met a really cool lady in line. We all talked like when had known each other forever. I love people like that.
My freshmen year of high school, well even in middle school actually I had a pretty dirty sense of humor. Worse than that I was sometimes the instigator of the bad jokes, twisting of innocent tales, dropper of the off color. I remember in my sophomore year realizing that being a Christian wasn't just getting saved but LIVING for Christ. I wanted to change...but how do I stop laughing at the inappropriate and disgusting? My friend turned to me with an answer "Just stop yourself and say 'that's not funny' and think about it because it's really not" and it's not...and I stopped laughing. But it's easy to slowly start to slip back into that...especially when you're not always around your 'christian' friends. Which I would like to point out picked up the "that's what she said" thing, I did too really...and now that I think about it...that's not funny either. But anyway. I just want to start rethinking my words. God says words are powerful. How am I using that power? I want to be wise with words not hurtful, or gross.
(other endings)
The end of the Prom story-
My friend won a free copy of the book for dressing up like Alice, one of the vampires. I saw her, and haven't seen her for years. She looked really pale and I'm thinking "that's unfortunate" because of her lack of play in the sun. Come to find out she powdered herself down along with some friends for the party. She looked awesome.
I met a really cool lady in line. We all talked like when had known each other forever. I love people like that.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
The Vampire Prom
I got the text, the invite, I had no excuse except that it sounded lame and I was afraid of how the whole experience would be. Her comeback was guilt and as usual it worked. She would have to go alone and I would just be hanging out at my house with my lame excuse. So I agreed.
I went to the vampire prom.
The vampire books I've been reading shamefully (I mean that. I feel horrible reading them, yet I want to know how they end up. Reading these is becoming my dark secret that I hide), came out with the last book of the seres. This is what made me happy about jumping into the books late, I didn't have to wait like a year for the last book to come out. So I went to the opening at Hastings...or aka the vampire prom. Oh that's right the prom. No really people dresses up in dresses and suits. Some painted gore on themselves and so on and so forth.
I figured if I was going I would jump into it head first. So I painted a shirt. It was actually pretty awesome. It's black and simply says "edward". I'll eventually put a quote from Edward on the back but right now I have yet to see a quote worthy of going on it. But people said it looked like I bought it. It made me happy.
I'll add more later....got to go.
I went to the vampire prom.
The vampire books I've been reading shamefully (I mean that. I feel horrible reading them, yet I want to know how they end up. Reading these is becoming my dark secret that I hide), came out with the last book of the seres. This is what made me happy about jumping into the books late, I didn't have to wait like a year for the last book to come out. So I went to the opening at Hastings...or aka the vampire prom. Oh that's right the prom. No really people dresses up in dresses and suits. Some painted gore on themselves and so on and so forth.
I figured if I was going I would jump into it head first. So I painted a shirt. It was actually pretty awesome. It's black and simply says "edward". I'll eventually put a quote from Edward on the back but right now I have yet to see a quote worthy of going on it. But people said it looked like I bought it. It made me happy.
I'll add more later....got to go.
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