A long time ago my friend and I decided to claim a Muppet that likens to ourselves. She was Miss Piggy (Not in a bad way...you just need to know her. It's so her it's ridicules and she would agree). Her fiance is Kermit. Not just because he's Miss Piggy's man but really...he really really is like Kermit. And me...well I'm Gonzo. I have a big nose and nobody knows where I'm from.
What do I mean? Oh my. You are in for a treat. Keep and mind that these are all true stories. I'm not exaggerating in the least part. This is truly my life. These things all have happened.
It all started freshmen year. Before this time I thought I blended in as an Idahoan pretty great. Maybe that's because I am one, born and raised. My nationality didn't really ever cross my mind unless it was some kind of school project. (Which by the way I still don't really know where I'm from. When my grandpa died the Chafin history sadly died with him). Freshman year the stories began...
I took speech my first year of high school, get it out of the way. I was in a class where the high majority was seniors. It was slightly intimidating. One day I raise my hand to ask what time the home coming dance started...my teacher doesn't answer my question. Instead she turns to the class "Since she's not from here, who wants to explain to her what the tradition of home coming is all about."...what? Not only did that not answer my question but what the heck was she talking about. I let it go. Later in the year, again I raise my hand and ask some sort of question I raise my hand and ask a question. My teacher comes back with
"Since English isn't your primary language..." WHAT!? I stop her right there.
"I'm from Idaho.""...where were you born?"
"Nampa!"
She winks and pulls it off like this was some kind of joke. Later at parent teacher conferences she apologises to my mom and explains that she really did think that I was from a foreign country. I thought maybe it was a one time thing...I was wrong.
Every now and then throughout the years I was asked the question where I was from but there are a few times that stick out the most. Senior year we were in a class wide meeting about class rings. I'm at a table with friends waiting for this meeting to start. To pass the time we were joking around. The ring guy was walking around my table kind of listening seeming like he was trying to find a way to start a conversation and get to know us. You know form some sort of bond so we would dish out a few hundred dollars for a ring. Finally he dives in, addressing me. "Are you Slovak?" I hang my head and begin to, yet again, explain that no...I'm from Idaho. "Oh because you sound Slovak." What? Sound?!? I don't have an accent. What is he talking about. He's crazy. That's a first. Again I was wrong.
Last year I was hanging out at my friends house. We were getting ready to walk out of the door when his mom spouts out "Are you Bosnian?" I've been asked about this country before so I just laugh it off with a no. "Oh well you sound Bosnian. Are you parents from Bosnia?" What? No. "Then where did you get your accent? You sound Bosnian." What is this accent? I want to hear it. Coworkers have asked me where I was from before...later I asked one of them if they thought I had an accent...he said maybe from Minnesota. At least I'm getting closer to home.
Not to long ago this guy at church asked me where I was from. I hung my head and told him nowhere and that I had gotten that a lot and that some people even thought I had an accent. He comes back with "yeah that's what I'm trying to place" Are you joking me? I think I came back with "I don't have one." in unbelief. Another guy in the lobby at work was sure I was from somewhere when I said no he asked if my parents were because I had an accent.
A lady and her husband came through the drive through. Their coffee was taking awhile so I was holding a conversation with them to pass the time. They where really nice so it wasn't hard. Suddenly the lady pipes in "Are you Slovak?" Sigh....I explain my history and this is a frequently asked question and that no I'm in fact not anything that I know of...now he's your coffee and have a nice day.
A friend one time, knowing the history I have with these constant questions asked me one time "but really where are you from" I gave him a dead look. "I just mean where is your family history?" Honestly I really don't know. I know I have a lot of German, Irish, and Native American. APPARENTLY when you mix to those together you get an eastern European. . . the accent is still a mystery.
My question is where are these people getting this authority of placing looks with a country? Seriously. I mean I understand if someone looks like they are from somewhere else but I'm getting called out on specifics here. What? I if a German, Ukrainian and a Slovak person were lined up in front of me I wouldn't be able to tell where they were from. How are these people doing this? Do they study pictures of foreign faces and match them up with countries at home to pass the time?
This whole phenomenon is pretty spectacular and really entertaining but at the same time it's some what a downer. I don't get told "Oh you look nice today" or anything normal like that I get "Oh you look extra foreign today." or "I just want to put you in a handkerchief and put you on the side of the road and watch you sell beats in Russia or something." (That last one was an actual comment made by a friend). So it kind of sucks. If I look SO foreign, foreign enough to be called out on it this many times than what are people seeing when they look at me? Maybe I should take up match the face with the country game.
