Please...just leave me alone

Once a friend and I had a very true, very funny because it was true conversation about writing late at night. (Not the exact conversation)
me: "Oh yeah I'm learning never to write people emails late at night"
Casey: Oh no. It's never good. 2 in the morning "I'm going to right that guy and tell him how I really feel. 'I hate you' (reads it over) yep yep sounds good"

It was funny. We where pretty much getting at don't write what someone is going to actually read late at night. It's only filled with regrets later. Yet here I am. 4 hours of sleep the night before with 9 hours of work, about 4 hours producing at church and MAYBE a half an hour of falling to sleep and drooling on the seats in the sanctuary. And yet I'm writing...not a good thing but I'm doing it anyway.

My mom and I were just having a conversation that started to voice what I have truly been feeling lately....I would love it if people would just leave me alone, I mean that in the nicest way. I mean I am around people all day...everyday. My schedule is packed LIKE ALL THE TIME. My sister called me yesterday wanting to know if I was free on Friday and she literally asked if I could "pencil her in" in a half joking half "don't forget about me and make plans over our plans" way. Like seriously it use to be work, interns, church. Interns is now over and I fear for my summer...it's already begun. "Hey Sarah lets get together, when are you free next?" They asked a simple question now I have to answer honestly "(inner sigh) Saturday" and before I know it my first day off in 4 days is now filled with activities.
People...leave me alone. I'm desperate.
No really I'm desperate. The girl that once couldn't sleep with her door shut now does...in fact my door is quite often shut now and I think it's more of an inner cry to be left ALONE. The other day my mom was walking by my room or something and I asked my mom to shut the door and she was like "Why?". . . I really didn't know other than the fact that I didn't want people with me. The days that I do get off of everything I bask in the times that no one is around. I have even taking to not wanting to be around my dog. Seriously...sometimes I try to sneak around the house so he won't know I'm there. If he knows I'm there then he wants to come in my room and go to bed...my bed...LEAVE ME ALONE!
I tried to disappear once from the world, shut off my phone and everything...my friends came to my house...and knocked on my window....

PLEASE don't get me wrong....I love my friends, my family (including my wonderful dog), people really. I do. But it's never ending. I never get just a moment just by myself. There is always someone wanting my time...planing my days. Please, please, just leave me alone. Please. I'm desperate.
Honestly I have NO TIME. And people don't seem to understand this. One time I was telling my friend that my other friend wanted to get together that week but I had no time...I got a "you can give her an hour Sarah" NO I CANT...yet I did...and that hour turned into 4 and my night of sleep before I opened in the morning turned into like 5 hours of sleep...just to go to a job where I see hundreds of faces everyday.
I have no time to the point that my room is trashed...no no no TRASHED. I have like an even foot of cloths coating the floor...I attempted to clean in on my recent first day of nothing...only to cover my bed in laundry. I am living in unsafe conditions because I have no time to clean my stinking room.
PEOPLE LEAVE ME ALONE!
Yet when I think like this I feel bad. I'm like everyone has busy scheduals. I'm an adult now...this is 'the real world' as people keep telling me...yeah Im aware of that and it only makes me angry and feel belittled when you say that.
I am turning into an angry weird person inside because all I'm thinking is "ok lets get through this task so I can make it to the next" and I'm mean to people on the inside because I'm annoyed that they are around me because I just want to be left alone...left alone to think, read, watch tv, PRAY....oh I need to pray more.
I feel as though my relationship with God is feeble...
I'm tired
I'm cranky
I'm fed up and I just want to be left alone.



I love you all...really REALLY I do. I just need some time...please. Even God took a day of rest...