Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Love Languages

There is a fairly famous book among the christian culture called "The five love languages". It's a book the breaks down how people give and receive love. There are ways such as words of affirmation, gift giving, quality time, touch...I can't remember the last one. My engaged friend bought the book and her and her fiance now know each others love languages thanks to a little quiz in the back. I tried to take this test...I don't think I qualified. All the questions where like "If your spouse da da da...then a, b, c, or d." IDK I'm not married...THANKS FOR POINTING THAT OUT! JK. Totally JK.
A friend of mine claims that he found the sixth love language...violence. He says this and I think "so says an abusive husband to the police"...yet he makes some good points that I would have to agree to to an extent. Yet I have some points to make as well.
I think this "love language" runs deeper in boys that girls. Little boys...and adult boys too like to wrestle and shoot each other and all sorts of hurt each other. It's bounding time. I don't understand it really but it's really really funny to watch. Normal conversation and out of no where two guys are on the ground tangled in a mass trying to kill each other.
Do you see girls doing this? Well sometimes. I had my first wrestling experience on New Years when I took down my small group leader. Oh it was awesome...I won. I have always wanted to wrestle. Boys make it look fun and I never knew if I would win really...but I did..but that's beside the point. This was with a fellow tom-boy. It's not built into girls like it is guys. Very few girls would be up to this...I learned that...it seems that it's a universal language with guys. So I can see where my friend, who is a boy would have come from in calling it a love language. My argument would have to be it is for you...because you are a boy.
Another example. Girls don't like each other two options. 1 they talk it out, most likely with tears, and are then best friends 2 they back stab them and don't ever talk to them and are mean in a way that only girls can be which I think hurts worse and scares deeper than a punch in the face. They will NOT be friends and will attempt to make sure that other people are not friends with them either. There is a rare number 3 that they just don't talk to them, avoid them, and just plan don't like them and when they are brought up there may be remnants of number two that sink in...
Boys get mad at each other and what do they do. Fight. Punch each other, wrestle and this time not in a fun way. But then everything is ok. They are buddies or understandably not friends. It's a weird loving end to a conflict. It's sort of an oxymoron isn't it?
There are some cases that girls will also fight it out...but it DOES NOT end friendly. In fact it ends up making things worse. And girls are brutal...like horror movie fighters. They will scratch you in the face. I have heard stories of a girl I know, by her own account, grabbing a girl and bashing her head against the sidewalk. Another girl I know had a girl try to punch her, she missed, her fist went flying past her face, the girl took this opportunity to reach out and bite her arm. It's not pretty...and it's defiantly not a love language.
Violence makes girls mad. This year at camp there was once again the famous game of water melon wrestling. One (sometimes two) watermelons covered in butter and other slippery things in the middle of a watered down, soaped up tarp. Goal- get the melon back to your team. You have to wrestle for it. The girl round lasted FOREVER. Probably the better part of a half an hour. All the girls had fun but I did hear of some girls getting fed up and having to punch a person or two to get people off of themselves. It starts out fun...but, I don't know what it is exactly, girls get mad when they fight. It's no longer a game...they are angry. I know this from experience. Maybe the old saying plays a big part with girls, "it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt". Having fun watermelon wrestling, then someone steps on your back and you are in pain...people still won't get off of you, won't listen to you when you say you're hurt so you throw some punches. Maybe it's the mother in us. Someone tries to take your kid, or whatever you are trying to protect, or they try to get back something back to the team or "family", in this case a watermelon you get mad. Maybe it's relationship. A friend tries to drag you off of a watermelon it's funny, you laugh. An acquaintance tries to drag you off of your goal you get furious. "What's her problem?!?!" Maybe it's the intent behind the action. Friend punches you in the arm as a hello it's fine. Make someone mad or annoy someone and they punch you in the arm you get angry. IDK but violence is not a love language to girls. And if it is taken as love on their side I would say that it would qualify as the love language as touch in their mind...or maybe even quality time.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

I have told you that I agree with Jake haven't I? I think violence is a love language and I do it sometimes. Of cours you know that. I have a tendancy to get excited and start swinging. So maybe I should say excitement is a love language. ha ha!

JML said...

SPELL CHECK!! :) After work tonight, I have to admit that there is violence that is not loving. I wanted to beat the hell out of Kris a few times, in an unaffectionate way. Oh well. I win this argument by default. Why? Because I'll kick you in the face and you won't do anything back!